Every year like clockwork...
I just tend to hit this blah moment in life every year at this time. Summer is slipping away...buried under organizing the kids upcoming school year...my garden is soon to disappear...the leaves are about to change... and the darn oak tree is about to drop her gazillion acorns that I simply despise because they put a fast end to playing barefoot in the backyard. It all just puts me in a blah mood... I end up feeling like I have so much to post about and nothing to post about all at the same time. Things I want to say...but don't want to. I teeter between sharing and not sharing...does anyone really want to read about endless planning, juggling kids and life in general? Not really would be my guess. Maybe? I keep this blog going so my kids can have a little diary of our life...in my own voice. Share to much and you just open yourself up to judgement and criticism from strangers...not really feeling up to that right about now. Lots of posts for my kids just sit in the "draft" or "private" sections of this blog. Secret corners for them to find mom's thoughts well after I am gone and diary pages just for them and them alone. Blogging is just the easiest family diary I can manage. Most things we do are pretty generic but I love writing, even though I am not so great at it. Gathering thoughts here is a very old habit.
Sigh. I am not ready for Fall to happen. And I am. All at the same time.
Ready for the kids to be back on schedule. Not ready to spend everyday as the "mom taxi cab driver". Ready to see all my mom friends again on a regular basis. Not ready to juggle seeing everyone and a little fell missing his naptime. Ready to learn with the kids...homeschooling them always refreshes my knowledge on things like History and Literature...I do love this part. I love the closeness it brings us. Ready for field trips...nothing bad about field trips. Nothing. LOVE THEM. Ready for lettuce out of the garden. Not ready for the tomatoes to go. Ready for new challenges and adventures. Not ready for the changes...I have a hard time with it sometimes. I like to think all moms do from time to time. Ready to watch Adam merge into High School. Not ready...no terrified...that he is so close to being grown. Did I mention the part where I brought him home from the hospital as a baby and cried for at least a solid day at the knowledge that one day he would grow up and leave us? Yep...I did. Ready to start homeschool preschool with Lucas...seriously love this age. So thankful to get to do it all over again from the beginning.
At the end of the day the Fall begins, whether I like it or not. The time of the year to be "thankful" and at the end of the day that word sums it all up for me. I am quite thankful for this wonderful little family we have here. We have made a lovely little life for ourselves. Thankful indeed.
On a last note of this rambling post... I am ready for the month or two break I take from the Facebook fan page each year in September/October. I simply turn it off for a few months while we merge into our new schedule. The family needs my full attention (especially with all the traveling Daryl does these days for work) and this year I am even debating the brave step of deactivating my entire Facebook account for a few weeks. I just need a social media break. Do you ever feel that way? Like life was just way better BEFORE Facebook? Before, when people would actually stop by and see each other for real...not just tag the "praying for you" on a FB wall and running away. I have been truly trying to not be that person. To physically get off my duff and go and help my friends, in person, when things go wrong in their life. Rather that the "praying for you...best of luck with that..." sort of lives we seem to lead these days. Sometimes friends need more than an impersonal response to a bad day. I would like to spend my Fall drinking coffee with friends and being more "present" in my own life...in their lives. Sometimes to do so you just have to unplug. Step away from the key board...and go days without checking e-mail (which by the way I currently haven't checked mine in several days. Shame on me.) At the end of this post I shall find my peace with Fall... Ready or not, here it comes.